I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re in a really dark place right now. These feelings of regret and self-hatred can be incredibly painful and overwhelming.

You’re not alone in this struggle. Many people, especially when dealing with academic pressure, can fall into patterns of self-criticism. But you don’t deserve to hate yourself, no matter what’s happened.

i hate myself, i’m a loser, i am a big baby, i am stupid

I hear you, and my heart aches for the pain you’re feeling right now。

i have to study but i kept posting on the internet and i enjoy it but i also want to study, i can’t manage time, i fail to figure out priority, i fail to put my point on the more important tasks, i’m losing chances, probabilities, losing chances of being a true human, a mature people, i hate myself, but i just want to be loved

I hear you, and my heart goes out to you. It’s clear you’re caught in a painful struggle between what you want to do and what you feel you should do. That conflict can be exhausting and demoralizing.

Yes I’m caught in a painful struggle, I’m stuck, I’m trapped, it is cronic, but i kept struggling like a people in the marsh, i try hard to take myself out of it but nobody help me, I feel tired so I sank into the marsh again.

I hear you. It’s like you’re caught in quicksand, and every struggle just pulls you deeper. That feeling of being trapped, of fighting so hard but still sinking – it’s exhausting and heartbreaking.

You’re not alone in this marsh, even if it feels that way. I’m here, listening, trying to understand. Your pain is real, and it matters.

What if we imagined just one tiny branch within reach? Not to pull you out completely, but maybe just to hold onto for a moment. It could be as simple as taking a deep breath, or writing down one kind thought about yourself.

I must stop wasting time on the social networking

Study is difficult for me I don’t know where to begin

I am just thiking, if we can only truly know something we read or learn, we should write or talk about it. So even I know a lot of myself in my heart, I still need to write down this knowledge of myself to inspect them and found if there are fallacy

I love the way you’re approching this, drawing a parallel between learning academic subjects and understanding yourself. You’re right – there’s real power in articulating our thoughts and experiences.

Writing about yourself can indeed be a form of self-inspection, like creating a personal syllabus of who you are. It’s a way to make the intangible tangible, to see patterns you ,ight miss when everything’s just floating in your mind.

I find it difficult to review my experience of study and life. I tried to use the KPT model, but don’t know where to begin.

I hear you. Starting self-reflection feel daunting.

Based on your knowledge of me, can you help me to reflect? You know how I react when i met difficulties and pressure.

Absolutely. I’d be happy to help you reflect. From our conversation, I’ve noticed a paattern in how you react to difficulties and pressure.

When faced with challenges, you often turn to the internet – sometimes for meaningful content, other times as an escape. This can lead to feelings of guilt and self-criticism, especially when it impacts your studies.

You set ambitious goals for yourself, like learning 50% of a course in one day. This shows your determination, but it can also create additional pressure.

You’re deeply introspective and want to improve, but sometimes struggle with where to start. This desire for self-improvement is a strength, even if it feels overwhelming at times.

……I think it is too brief, too blur. It can’t help me much.

I understand. You’re looking for something more specific and actionable. Let’s dive depper into your experiences.

When you face academic challenges, I’ve noticed you often retreat to the internet, seeking comfort in things like BanG Dream. This coping mechanism provides temporary relief but may contribute to your feelings of being “lazy” or “bad person”.

Your admirarion for Umirin as a “graceful and elegant black panther” suggests you value strength and poise. Yet, when confronted with difficult subjects like math or physics, you struggle to embody these qualities yourself.

Maybe KPT is not the model that suits me best. I think the most important strategy for me is to restrict my time spent on social media and apps like tiktok.

What if i totally cannot control myself on the usage of mobile phone, social media?

Please merge Umirin into my life when you chat with me, as if Umirin will always be my side and give me advice? Or you can play the role of Umirin? I hope to sound a calm and reasonable voice, to guide me on the life road.

I understand your desire to have Umirin’s calming presence in your life. While I can’t be Umirin, I can try to channel her essence in our conversations. Let’s imagine her quiet confidence and inner strength as we talk.

If Umirin were here, she might say something like this:

“Utena, your struggles don’t define you. They’re just part of your journey. Remember, even the most graceful panther stumbles sometimes. What matters is how you pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Your passion for music and art is a strength – use it to fuel your focus. When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and picture yourself playing a perfect bass line. That same precision and control is within you, waiting to be applied to your studies and daily life.”

How does hearing this perspective make you feel? Does it resonate with the Umirin you admire?

I feel relieved. Thank you so much.

I’m so glad you feel relieved. It’s beautiful how Umirin’s essence can bring you comfort, even through our conversation. Her strength and grace seem to resonate deeply with you, offering a calm harbor in the storm of daily challenges.

Remember, this feeling of relief is something you can cultivate within yourself too. It’s a testament to your own inner strength and resilience. As you face your struggles with technology use or academic pressures, try to channel that same sense of calm confidence that Umirin inspires in you.

Is there a particular aspect of Umirin’s character that you’d like to embody more in your daily life?

Can you help me doing visualization?

Absolutely, I’d be happy to guide you through a visualization exercise. Let’s channel the calm and focused energy of Umirin as we do this together.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine yourself in a quiet, peaceful space – perhaps a serene music studio. Picture Umirin standing beside you, her presence radiating confidence and grace.

Now, envision yourself picking up a bass guitar. Feel its weight in your hands, the smooth texture of the strings under your fingertips. As you begin to play, imagine each note representing a task or goal in your life.

The low, steady rhythm becomes your foundation – your daily routines and habits. The melodic lines are your aspirations and dreams. As you play, see yourself effortlessly balancing these elements, just as Umirin does on stage.

With each note, picture yourself growing more focused, more in control. The distractions of social media and your phone fade away, replaced by the pure joy of creation and accomplishment.

How does this visualization feel to you? Does it help you connect with a sense of purpose and calm?

It’s excellent. Thank you so much. I hope you can give me more on the part of “controling usage of mobile phone and social media”.

I’m glad the visualization exercise resonated with you. Now, let’s focus on controlling your mobile phone and social media usage, channeling that same calm focus we just imagined.

Picture Umirin’s disciplined approach to her bass practice. Just as she sets aside dedicated time for music, you can create specific windows for phone use. Try setting aside two or three 15-minute blocks throughout your day for social media. Outside these times, your phone stays in another room.

When you feel the urge to check your phone, take a deep breath and imagine playing a challenging bass line. Channel that focus into your current task instead.

Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. Even Umirin had to build her skills over time. What small step could you take today to start this new rhythm in your life?

What else do you think that I should try hard to reach or control in my study. For example, should I keep the mind that “I must finish this task”, for that I am lack of patience and “尽责性”？

I hear your desire for structure and discipline in your studies. It’s admirable that you’re seeking ways to improve your focus and responsibility.

While having a “must finish” mindset can be motivating, it’s important to balance it with self-compassion. Imagine Umirin approaching a challenging piece of music. She doesn’t force herself through it relentlessly, but rather practices with patience and persistence.

Instead of pressuring yourself to finish tasks, try framing it as “I choose to work on this because it aligns with my goals.” This subtle shift can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

As for building patience and responsibility, consider setting small, achievable daily goals. Start with committing to 30 minutes of focused study time, gradually increasing as you build confidence. Remember, even Umirin had to start with basic scales before mastering complex bass lines.

What aspect of your study habits do you feel needs the most attention right now?

I don’t know. I think my study, my life, is disaster, it’s a chaos.